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This is a rush transcript of “Gutfeld!” on May 18, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Clap at you, animals. You all animals. Oh boy, huh? Happy Tuesday, everyone, huh?
EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Happy Tuesday.
GUTFELD: So let’s get into Joy Biden’s popularity is like his teeth at night. Underwater. If he sunk any deeper, he’d have crabs. Because he’d be in the sea. That’s where the crabs live. To remind out of the gutter. His approval ratings at 39 percent even after the Roe vs. Wade leak, which was designed to breathe life into his unconscious presidency. It was one Biden leak that didn’t demand a change of pants.
But it still didn’t work. In fact, thanks to idiots heading to the justices’ houses like they were invited to a barbecue. It quickly turned into a freak show but with more bearded ladies. Underrated by the way. When you saw the protests, you probably like me wish their mommies had been as pro abortion as their offspring. Why not? That’s how you support them. You also were reminded that pro choice doesn’t always mean choosing soap and water.
The worst stat of all this jaw dropping one from NBC News. 75 percent of the population thinks this country is going in the wrong direction. That’s astounding. You couldn’t get more agreement from a room of children if you yelled who wants ice cream and no homework. Meanwhile, 60 percent think the country is headed in the right direction, which raises the question, who the hell is this 60 percent?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Just as I suspected. A CNN production meeting. So we live in polarizing times we’re told, and the polarization is driven by the media that does all it can to keep us at each other’s throats. They see everything through the lens of identity politics, and everywhere they look except in the mirror is proof of racism. I thought that would destroy America. But instead, it’s destroying the Democratic Party.
And places like CNN and MSNBC, they’re losing viewers. And it’s created unity. A near unanimous belief that the country is going in the wrong direction. So congrats to Sleepy Joe for bringing the country together on something other than a desire to take away his car keys. So when you have nearly 80 percent saying we’re going off a cliff, that’s not polarization. That’s a realization that we’re heading no place good.
Seriously, when your car is barreling toward the Grand Canyon, you don’t argue about changing the radio station. Well, unless it’s playing Maroon Five, then you might speed up. See? The party in charge suffers from a weird flaw. It’s a lack of imagination. They can’t see ahead of themselves. The problems we experience are obvious, high crime, high inflation, high illegal immigration.
And yet these problems don’t exist until they become political ones. They simply do not exist until they create a risk for losing power, but then it’s too late. So they scream racism. What does this do to the party in power? Well, it makes them ill equipped to prevent or solve an actual problem. Those muscles have atrophied from disuse, and take crime. Apparently it doesn’t exist until effects polling or their own personal safety, not yours.
Then the Democratic Party acts like my stomach when I have dairy. Yes. Once you do it, you no longer have time to deal with it. It’s disgusting. Their goal is to win elections, not to stop crime, shouting defund the police can win big city voters. But when — what do you tell the same voters after the election when their neighborhood’s burning like that rash I got from sharing Jesse’s gym towel.
As long as the election is far away, then crime can continue. Anything bad could continue. The Dems being in the majority, Joe’s presidency, the Seth Meyers show, he’s on late night if you don’t know who he is. And then suddenly, as the midterms loom, they panic. Crime matters. So does gas prices, so does getting food on the table, then they mimic Republicans. Hey, we’re anti-crime too, we need more cops.
They’re like the mob dev guy who breaks all the windows in your neighborhood and then just happens to be the owner of the new glass shop that opens around the corner. You get this because you’re not a politician. You have a real job. When faced with a problem that needs fixing you fix it right away, because you have a boss. You have deadlines, job reviews and pride. You don’t have the luxury of a political machine that makes sure you can keep your job every two or every four years.
For Democrats they only work when they are campaigning. And winning an election is a reminder that it’s time to relax and do nothing. Just when you roll up your sleeves, they roll theirs back down. What’s Joe got to say?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: No, no, no, no, look, look. 39, those numbers aren’t so bad. I mean, the, you know, that guy, Brandon, you got to remember, Brandon’s probably got a 35 approval and then you got to remember, I’m Brandon. All right? All that stuff. Let’s go Brandon. Let’s go, Brandon. You got to give that number to me. So, 39 and, you know, Brandon, and so we’re up at about 74 and then 10 percent for the big guy, and we’re over 80. Come on, man.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Yes. I suppose — I suppose this is why Trump came across so when usually. He was always in campaign mode or what we would call work mode almost all the time. He entered the job to work and what a novel concept that was. A politician elected by the people working tirelessly for the people who elected him. No wonder all the lazy bastards hated him.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. She talks faster than the guy listening to side effects on a drunk commercial. “OUTNUMBERED” co-host Emily Compagno. Even if you hate musicals, he’ll make you a fan of Oklahoma. Oklahoma GOP candidate for U.S. Senate, T.W. Shannon. She aims to deceive which is why a yak grew her weave. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. And when he donates blood, the Red Cross takes a two week vacation. My massive sidekick and the NWA world television champion, Tyrus.
Emily, long time no see.
COMPAGNO: It’s been a long five minutes.
GUTFELD: It really has. We just did The Five together. Yes. It was really, really great. Yes.
GUTFELD: I’m totally lying. Do you feel the country’s going in the wrong direction? And is it salvageable? You have 10 minutes.
COMPAGNO: I always hold out hope, you know, I’m an optimistic person. So, I think it’s absolutely salvageable. But yes, I think it’s headed in the wrong direction. And keep in mind the rest of the 78 plus percent of the country who feel the same way I do represent the lowest marks in Biden’s his — in Biden’s tenure thus far, right? But the number that stands out to me is that 65 percent of Americans think that their level of income is falling behind the cost of living.
And the most important thing to them right now is the cost of living followed by the economy and jobs. It’s not spelling women with an X, like Michelle Obama would have you know, right? It’s not putting CRT in the school curriculum like Pelosi would have you think. So to me, the real Americans whose priorities are liberty and faith and family and freedom and being able to earn your living unencumbered by this bloated government or the Cryptkeeper that runs it, then yes, believe it salvageable. Absolutely.
But hopefully because of the red wave in the fall, because what these numbers represent to me is that the cluster, the last time it was this bad was in 2008. And that’s when Raiders had a five and 11 record. And therefore, there’s only way to go up but it makes sense in my head.
GUTFELD: Right. Yes. You know, the Raiders, are they still around?
GUTFELD: Oh, I don’t know.
COMPAGNO: Being amazing everyday.
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: They’re in Vegas now, Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: Yes. That’s where they belong.
T.W. SHANNON, OKLAHOMA GOP CANDIDATE FOR U.S. SENATE: Yes.
GUTFELD: In Vegas. You know why? Because whatever stays in Vegas.
GUTFELD: I don’t even know what I’m saying.
GUTFELD: Thank you very much. T.W.
SHANNON: Yes, sir.
GUTFELD: Good to see you.
SHANNON: Good to see you, Greg.
GUTFELD: Why is it that the Democrats don’t care about an issue until it’s a political one? It drives me crazy because they would — life would be so much easier if they actually tried to solve things.
SHANNON: Yes. No, there’s no doubt. The Democrats have one motive and one motive only and they’ve been exposed for it. Donald Trump did a great job of exposing the Democrats. And what we figured out is they have one mission, and that is they are going after our children. The Democrats are after the children of America, whether it’s CRT or whether it’s this gender confusion. They’re trying to create a country where we forget who we are.
I mean, we talk a lot about making America great again but you got to ask yourself what made this country great to start with? The things that made this country great, I call it the three C’s, Greg. It’s our — it’s our constitution, it’s capitalism and Christianity for religious liberty — for religious liberties. That’s the reason this country is great. That’s why we have one million people that immigrate to this country illegally and 2.5 million are trying to get here illegally.
I mean, just remember, a few months ago, we saw people literally grasping onto the wings of airplanes to get to this country. We saw mothers handing their babies to a newborn — a newborn child to a soldier who had an M16 on his hip. She didn’t know that man. She didn’t know anything about him. The only thing she knew was, he had the old red, white and blue on his shoulder.
And that was enough for her to know if her kid could just get here. It’d be pretty spectacular. But the Democrats are trying to rewrite our history. That’s why they’re trying to destroy our history because they want to remake us into this socialist agenda about looking more like Europe. And we’re not, that’s not who America has ever been. That’s who we’re not going to be as long as we have people that are running from the right to do the right thing.
GUTFELD: I agree with you, except for the three C’s. Minor Captain Crunch.
TYRUS: If they’re not.
TYRUS: You’re lying.
GUTFELD: I love Captain Crunch.
TYRUS: Which kind?
GUTFELD: Well, just the original except it’s strips the skin.
SHANNON: If you don’t have the crunch berries —
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes. Tyrus and I did like a 40-minute podcast about Captain Crunch.
TYRUS: Yes. I’m on a mission to be the new Captain Crunch. And no, I don’t have any experience. But it’s all right right now.
GUTFELD: Oh, I think it’d be a great Captain.
TYRUS: I think so too.
GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly. You know, you — the lady over here, Emily, was talking about how they — prom with the Democratic Party is they’re always focusing on other weird (BLEEP) like, you know, the X and women and stuff like. This is kind of your wheelhouse. This is something that you always talk about. Wheelhouse is expertise.
TYRUS: Yes. They live in — oh man.
GUTFELD: You glared at me. You’re not throwing chair at me.
TYRUS: You get used the glares by now, we’ve glaring at you for like, what, eight years?
TYRUS: Yes. They live in that fantasy world where it’s not real issues. And they don’t want to deal with anything. And then even when they’re given an opportunity to give solutions, it’s just not in there — as you said wheelhouse.
GUTFELD: Yes, thank you.
TYRUS: It will not own. They just point fingers. You don’t elect someone to tell you whose fault it is. We don’t — it’s like my mother used to say, I don’t care whose fault it is. Who is going to clean up this living room with the broken furniture in it?
TYRUS: Who’s going to do that? And me and my brother would look at each other and be like, I guess us. And that was the solution.
TYRUS: Also admitting that we actually did it.
TYRUS: But we’d have no solutions in this country. So Emily’s optimism, I’m not. I’m looking at the next two years are going to be even worse. We’re going to see more ridiculousness. More refusal to make changes in trying to jump on things like the leak and making that the election issue. They are hoping that more people care about your right to choice opposed to high crime, inflation, poor education, not having anything in the house.
That’s what they’re hoping will win the election. So there’s no attempt to try to fix real problems. They’re going to stay over there. And I don’t see them budging.
GUTFELD: Interesting. Kat, it’s kind of amazing that we almost have 80 percent of America agreeing on one thing. That almost never happens, right?
GUTFELD: What was the last time? 80 percent, 75, 80 percent ever agreed on anything other than that I’m awesome. And that you owe everything to me. That’s how I run 90 percent. And —
TIMPF: You’ve been listening to my inner monologue? Just kidding. I did it all myself. Look, I — because it’s pretty obvious and I think the worst part is, is that the government is so big that we have to care.
TIMPF: I wouldn’t bother me so much if the country was going in the wrong direction. And I could just say, see you guys.
TYRUS: You know, like it — but that’s not how it is. It affects me directly because the government’s so huge. If I could just walk around, do my own thing. My own money, carrying my own gun, I wouldn’t care.
TIMPF: But I can’t do any of those things. So — but — does that really bother people as much as it should? I don’t really know.
GUTFELD: This is why you can no longer — it sucks because you could never be a small government person anymore. It’s — that argument is over. So it’s like if I — like — for example, if I want to move to the woods or whatever, get away from everything. Government’s still going to come and get you because it’s that bloated. It’s —
TIMPF: Well, I start my new country Katistan.
TIMPF: Everyone’s free and Katistan.
GUTFELD: That is true. Where are you going to — where is it going to be?
TIMPF: Well, I think I’ll have to start at my apartment.
SHANNON: You’re going to be build a wall.
TIMPF: Well, it depends. I mean, like how much real estate can I get for Katistan? You know, so far I need to own one property. I’m working on it.
GUTFELD: Yes. Well, I root for you, no matter what happened. Something wrong with her. Up next. Should companies that stocked shelves, keep their politics to themselves? All right.
GUTFELD: Welcome back. Oh, I’m so excited. When your job is to make a car, save the political bias for NPR. And to the makers of my underpants enough with your left-wing stance. That’s because Americans want relief from companies that drone on about their beliefs. A new survey, my favorite kind, finds that most American voters think I’m better looking than Jared Leto. But they also want companies to quit pushing political agendas.
It’s true. A whopping 87.1 percent say they’re likely to stop using a product or service of a company that openly advocates for a political agenda that they disagree with. The remaining 12 percent were this. And it holds true across party lines. A majority of Democrats, Republicans and Independents all said they drop a company if they didn’t cut it with the political crap. That’s the highest bipartisan consensus since we all agreed I’m better looking to Jared Leto.
Now these are timely insights. Considering that in recent years, companies have been pressured by their own employees in many cases to take political stances, and some of these companies are worse at staying in their lane than a Kennedy. I don’t know. Some of them can drive. `From Disney to Coca- Cola and professional sports leagues, hundreds of companies have taken sides on many stupid issues.
They’re sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong, which is how Pinocchio ended up doing porn. Thank you. But it looks like customers have had enough. Especially when small businesses crossed the line.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: Hi, what can I get you?
COMPAGNO: Hi, what comes with the number three?
DEVITO: The number three, that’s a burger with a large drink and my views on voter restriction laws in the state of Georgia.
COMPAGNO: OK. What about number four?
DEVITO: And number four, that’s a chicken wrap with chips and my opinions on teaching gender identity to kindergarteners.
COMPAGNO: All right. Is there anything that doesn’t come with a lecture?
DEVITO: No, but for $40.00, I’ll shut up and you can punch me in the face.
COMPAGNO: Worth it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Yes. Tyrus, I love an audience that applauds violence.
TYRUS: Yes, me too. I dig it.
GUTFELD: Yes, you know, we should do more of that stuff. Yes. What — have you ever stopped buying something because it’s political? Do you ever maintain any kind of like what he called a boycott?
TYRUS: I don’t — I don’t — I think — I don’t believe in boycotts. I believe in just I’m not going to buy it.
TYRUS: So — and I’ve done a few things. I’ve stopped going to some of the — my favorite movies and stuff because I don’t like going to see woke movies.
TYRUS: Where they push agendas. And I — but I am — I am excited because at the end of the day —
TYRUS: — what it all comes down to these corporations is the dollar. Are they making a profit, because when they make a profit, the CFOs and CFOs, they get a bonus check. And that bonus check is more important than any little virtue signal (INAUDIBLE) in the world.
GUTFELD: That’s true.
TYRUS: That’s their virtue. That’s their hope. And sometimes they’ll say nice, sweet, cute things. And no one ever says no, I’m not going to buy it because of that. But now, since everyone is so focused on this stuff, people are starting to say, you know what, I’m not taking my kids to Disneyland anymore. And more importantly, and you’re starting to see it, Netflix finally said, look, if you don’t like good T.V., don’t work here.
TYRUS: When’s that happened?
TYRUS: You know, and that was pointed at a specific group that was causing all kinds of problem because they’re starting to realize the woke isn’t numbers, it’s individuals. So, when an individual woke person gets on Twitter, it makes it sound like they have this massive crowd behind them. And then they show up and there’s four of them.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s the beauty.
TYRUS: Now they’re starting to see like hey, wait a minute, they just talked about it and the people you’re alienating are actually Americans who buy things.
TYRUS: So now you’re seeing more going, you know what, to quote the great Michael Jordan, Republicans need shoes too.
GUTFELD: Yes. Stop listening to — stop listening to the human equivalent of the loudest person on Twitter and started listening to everybody who’s not on Twitter, which are millions. You know, Kat I tried to boycott Ben and Jerry’s, but I loved him too much until I became lactose intolerant. Now he can eat it. That makes me a hero. Doesn’t it?
TIMPF: I don’t follow that logic at all. Because —
GUTFELD: Neither do I.
GUTFELD: Neither do I.
TIMPF: All right. Well, sorry about your stomach.
GUTFELD: Yes. That’s all I wanted. Was just an apology.
GUTFELD: Now we can move on.
TIMPF: Do you — the underlying facts —
TYRUS: Smack him.
TIMPF: I do every day in my mind.
GUTFELD: Politics everywhere sucks. Except in politics. That’s why it’s kind of compartmentalized. It’s for men in wigs to — and women. If to yell at each other in like a setting, it can’t be an entertainment or sport.
TIMPF: Yes. Plus, it’s just too many e-mails.
TIMPF: Like if you buy something, you’re getting 30 e-mails a month for the rest of your life.
TIMPF: And it’s worse when they’re political, but they’re just bad on their own. Like I got an e-mail that was like, hey, we haven’t heard from you in a while.
GUTFELD: Oh, yes.
TIMPF: I bought a dress from you three years ago. What do we have to talk about?
GUTFELD: Yes. I got the same e-mail.
TIMPF: I just — nobody wants to hear it. Nobody’s going to click it open and read it. People are going to maybe delete it, maybe like no, it’s like, oh, OK. Because you know honestly just based — I haven’t met everyone in the world but based on the people that I have met just statistically speaking, whenever I buy anything from any company, I know that I’m giving money to at least someone I hate.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true. That’s true. I hate that. T.W, you are in politics, do you — but when you go home — like, here’s the thing. I think that politics is designed to stay away from other stuff. That’s why it was invented. So, we don’t kill each other over things. We go here. We settle it with our proxies, like we have delegates that deal with everything. And we can go back and watch sports.
Unfortunately, it’s leaked out academia, entertainment, you know, you can’t get that genie back in the bottle. I coined that phrase, by the way.
SHANNON: One hundred percent. You hit the — you hit the nail on the head, Greg. I mean, right now you should be as Republicans, we had to go out and be Democrats. Now, you don’t just have to be Democrats. After you beat the Democrats, then you got to go beat the woke media. Oh, after you beat the Democrats and the woke media, nwo you got to go out and beat woke corporations.
That’s why we have to have men and women who stand up and say enough is enough. We’re not interested in your virtue signaling. We have our own values, our rights don’t come from, you know, social media. We don’t get our rights from any of the globalists. We — our rights come from God, they’re inalienable rights, they’re guaranteed in the constitution, are given to us by the constitution. They’re guaranteed in the constitution.
And I think the challenge we’ve had now is though, that left they just own everything. You know, they own the coffee shop, they own television, that’s why I (INAUDIBLE) this is a shameless plug for the get Gutfeld show. That’s why this show is really important culturally, frankly, even though we talk about a lot about your bowels and other things. Aside from that, the show – – the show has a really important place in the culture right now because we are winning the culture war and late night and that’s a big deal. You all (INAUDIBLE)
SHANNON: Especially when you have people running from — for office from Oklahoma, that’s when you really are winning.
TIMPF: I just — your soliloquy, everything you said was perfect. Just one thing I feel on behalf of us and the fans. It’s not we, it’s him.
SHANNON: It’s him.
TIMPF: And he’s the only one who likes to talk about his bowels. He force – –
TYRUS: No one’s ever said hey, Greg, I got a great story.
TIMPF: Well, I did the one time.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes. Yes. You did talk about farting, Kat, so — Emily, have you ever boycotted anything?
COMPAGNO: No, actually, my one example, it wasn’t a boycott but it was — it was Ben and Jerry’s actually also.
COMPAGNO: Because I felt like that was the only thing that was so overt that I knew, it seems like right squared and growing up, it used to be just sort of clever and pithy, right?
COMPAGNO: Like Cherry Garcia or whatever. And then it just became so annoying. So, it’s easy for me not to but I — definitely to your point, I agree. You know, know your role and politics was supposed to be in this compartment. And then whatever goods and services that you’re supposed to provide an E-commerce area should have been relegated to that. And the things that were supposed to unify us at all times, like sports and entertainment and everything else, somehow it’s gotten totally muddied.
It’s totally bled over. So you can’t go anywhere without feeling that same disgust like oh, God, I don’t want to hear this here too. Which is why small businesses are so important and —
SHANNON: Totally. And some of it is lack of education. That’s why you hear the left talking about we’re a democracy, we’re not a democracy. That’s part of the problem. We are Republic and we should act like that. We send people to Washington, D.C. to vote on our behalf, to do what we — what we’re asking them to do. And if they don’t do it, we send them home. But unfortunately that gets lost because no one knows the difference between a Republican and a democracy.
GUTFELD: I was thinking if it’s a Ben and Jerry’s because, you know, Cherry Garcia, all the clever puns if they ever did a celebrity — like if they ever did me which they never would — I already know what might — that my ice cream would be called.
TYRUS: Here we go.
GUTFELD: Can I buy a bowel? I just thought of that now. Just thought of it now.
TYRUS: Yes. It’s going to be —
GUTFELD: It would be like — it would be chocolate.
TIMPF: Yes. Everybody would love that.
GUTFELD: Got to be chocolate with little chunks. I’m not stopping. I’m going to take this —
TYRUS: All right. So we’ll be back right after these messages.
GUTFELD: Up next. If you do some model with curves is an angry mob what you deserve. Can I buy a bowel? Can I buy — can I buy a bowel? Can I buy —
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Are we not allowed to squabble over a plus-sized model? And is ignoring the swimsuit models’ fitness asking us to bear false witness? That’s great meet Yumi Nu, a cover model for the new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. She’s replacing last year’s model Yumi Old. So good. Now, for those of you under the age of 75, Sports Illustrated was once a magazine that covered sports. It was the most popular magazine read by men.
Now, you can’t even swat a spider with it without the spider calling you a (BLEEP), doesn’t it? New stance until Thursday but it’s already, already creating more buzz than a large vibrator in an emergency room. Took forever to remove. Yumi, Yumi says she’s proud to champion body and race diversity, fine, but psychologist, Jordan Peterson, dare to criticize tweeting: “Sorry, not beautiful and no amount of authoritarian tolerance is going to change that.”
Peterson has since quit Twitter after all the backlash which raises the question: aren’t we entitled to an opinion especially if it’s a publicly consumed a product designed for generating opinions and controversy? Or is it better to say nothing than take a risk and say what a lot of people are thinking, like Peterson did? The cover does meet one goal: it punishes straight men who prefer completely unrealistic, as opposed to unhealthy body types.
The old-school covers were to give you a glimpse of a woman you couldn’t get anywhere near in person, especially after that restraining order. Now, do “The View’s” ladies feel they could also be on that cover?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WHOOPI GOLDBERG, THE VIEW HOST: We feel, at this table, that we can also be on the cover of Sports Illustrated. We leave it in your hands. We understand — but we’re not ruining anybody else’s cover either, but we’re just saying.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Now, that would be historic as the first swimsuit issue created, especially for the blind.
ANNOUNCER: A sexist would say.
GUTFELD: That is not funny. A sexist is not funny. Kat, Kat, Kat, you’re very young. I’m going to tell you about Sports Illustrated. The magazine would come out, they’d have grown the cover and we’d all argue if she should have been on the cover not because it’s a matter of subjective, like attractiveness. Some people think people are better looking. I would get, I always love Ellie McPherson, id she wasn’t on the cover it pissed me up. Why is it wrong to have an opinion that says I’m not attracted to this person?
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Because you have to be attracted to everyone.
GUTFELD: Yes, especially if they’re obese.
TIMPF: No, I just — I don’t, I don’t know how you feel like bad for her. Like she’s a 25-year-old model.
TIMPF: If she wants to lose weight, she probably could. I can’t go back to being you know, 25 and no longer having my e-mail flooded with people telling me to have kids before it’s too late. It was more inspiring in some ways to see Elon Musk was on the cover, his mom?
GUTFELD: Oh, yes.
TIMPF: Because she’s, she’s 74.
GUTFELD: Was she on the cover?
TIMPF: Yes, she was on. There was like a series of covers, she was on one of them. And it just sends the message to women everywhere that you don’t expire when you’re older, and you can still be considered beautiful when you’re older.
GUTFELD: But Kat —
TIMPF: And all you have to do is give thanks to the world’s richest man first.
GUTFELD: These are message covers. These are covers that are trying to convey a message. This is not for the — OK, the reader, the reader —
TIMPF: That’s like the meanest thing you can say to somebody, though?
TIMPF: That’s the way meaner than saying like, I’m not attracted to her like; oh, you’re only on there, because it sends a message?
GUTFELD: Yes. I mean —
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, that’s the world we live in.
GUTFELD: That’s where — when we were growing, we’re roughly the same age, early 40s.
TYRUS: OK. Yes, yes.
GUTFELD: When we read Sports — I mean, Sports Illustrated, it was, it was for the reader. Now, it’s for the advertiser, or it’s for the peers in editorial. This is not it — what the reader used to look forward to getting the Sports Illustrated and seeing Kathy Ireland, they’d go wow. And now, it’s like, oh, it’s a message. I’m supposed to be earnest. I’m supposed to digest this information intellectually and not just want to go in the bathroom and —
TYRUS: And OK. I know where you going, I think I’ll take it from here.
GUTFELD: Yes, thank you.
TYRUS: To, to you can have two thoughts. Well, we always talked about having two thoughts.
TYRUS: OK, first of all, Peterson was right. And I’m 370 pounds, and Peterson was right.
TYRUS: My — I’m in a battle my entire life to stay away from the 400-pound monster. OK, and when you, and if she’s, she’s beautiful and a lot of us fellas, we like them thick, I ain’t tripping.
TYRUS: And some of us don’t. But that’s not the point. The point is, if she is comfortable like that, and doing that good for her.
TYRUS: But when you promote that message, and this is why Dr. Peterson was being a doctor.
TYRUS: And saying that if, for example, if she had cancer, and she took a cancer picture and said everyone should have cancer. No one would applaud him. Like, why would you put that on people? Obesity kills more people than COVID.
TYRUS: Obesity doesn’t go anywhere. And we’re getting into this generation, to where, instead of trying to improve ourselves, we’re saying: I’m fine, everyone else has the problem. That’s the message. So, for example, I’m putting it on me, right? I lift weights, I do everything, I played football, wrestling. I’m a big guy. I’m in a weird genetic percentile, right? I don’t fit in any of the charts. But I would never put upon my children to gain weight.
I wouldn’t — if my kids were eating chocolate cakes every day, and saying, daddy, I want to be big and strong like you, I’d be like, no, that’s bad for you. It’s not good for you. Because I’m at my best when I’m under 350 pounds. When you’re heavy, you don’t feel good. And I guarantee that if any one of the people in the struggles with being overweight, could really tell the truth. Besides when you’re in the mirror, or every time you sit on a couch, you find a small pillow and you put it right here, they would say they’re not happy to. But because we’re living in a time where if a doctor asks you your weight, he’s wrong.
No, he’s a doctor. And when you have someone who’s a physical trainer who was for a biscuit away for 400 pounds, because they spend their whole days doing selfies like this to make themselves look skinnier. There’s a reason why the all the pictures are like this because they’re not happy and this is saying like it’s, it is OK. So, there’s two sides of this: good for her for wearing that, but to promote it is not — I don’t agree with it. I agree, I’m going to go with Dr. Peterson on this one.
GUTFELD: There you go. What do you say, Emily? You know, I you know, I was denied, cut being on the cover of hot guy monthly. Did you know that?
EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: No.
GUTFELD: No, you don’t know because I was too hot.
COMPAGNO: That’s right.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes. So, I’m going to be on extremely hot guy monthly, next month. I’ll sign a copy for you.
COMPAGNO: I look forward to.
GUTFELD: After drinks.
COMPAGNO: Yes, I remember. Oh, God, I just I just got that. No, thanks. No, thanks. No, thank you. Look, I, I disagree with everything. Here’s why.
COMPAGNO: I think, I think she’s gorgeous. I think the whole thing about everyone saying that they want Kathy Ireland or Elle McPherson on the covers. That’s it. That’s a small slice of the pie. That is those nerds that want to hang out in the basement and have a certain ideal is beauty.
GUTFELD: How dare you?
GUTFELD: We like physical beauty, the apex.
COMPAGNO: She is beautiful too. I think she’s beautiful, too.
GUTFELD: But that’s, but you’re glady —
COMPAGNO: OK, but the Jordan Peterson thing. I don’t — he wasn’t kicked off. Like, what he couldn’t take, he could dish it, but he couldn’t take it. He said the level of vicious insult and response to him saying that she’s not beautiful, but he couldn’t take it. So, to me, he’s the biggest (BLEEP) of them all.
COMPAGNO: I think she’s, she can rock on forever. I love this. I hear what you’re saying about the health aspect, but we don’t know that about her. So, until we do, I’m going to support and applaud her. That’s how I feel strongly about this.
GUTFELD: You do.
COMPAGNO: Probably because I was part, I was part of the mechanism, you could argue too, I was an NFL cheerleader.
COMPAGNO: So, I know what it’s like to be held to a certain standard, absolutely. And that’s why I champion and support anyone who is outside of those ideals. That is given that shot.
GUTFELD: Yes. Worse, you were a cheerleader for the Raiders.
COMPAGNO: You mean even better?
TYRUS: Greg, can I ask a real quick question, because I also, in football stuff if you weren’t, if you didn’t make weight, you get cut or get fined or whatever. How would you feel though doing all that work to be the best you and then next season you come in and they decide just bring someone in just because they need to fill a void, who doesn’t do any of those things?
COMPAGNO: Yes, we had — well, we had a five-pound limit on both sides. We couldn’t lose more than five pounds from our weigh in and weight nor could we gain more than five. So, I mean, it went in both directions. But I hear what you’re saying, which is should, you’re, you’re saying what — if I was being replaced by someone who they felt checked a box? Yes, that would absolutely hurt. I mean, of course, of course.
TYRUS: And that’s all, that was my point.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s actually a very good point. Last word to you T.W., play it safe.
T.W. SHANNON, FORMER SPEAKER OF THE OKLAHOMA HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES: Sports Illustrated, it’s all about the articles. I mean, that’s really why, it’s the articles.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.
COMPAGNO: Oh, here we go. Like a true politician.
GUTFELD: Stop there, T.W. You’ve always learned to leave on applause.
SHANNON: Beautiful girl. Beautiful girl. That’s all I’m going to say. Beautiful girl.
GUTFELD: Excellent job.
TYRUS: You’re going to be well in politics.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.
TYRUS: Me, not so much.
GUTFELD: Coming up, wives aren’t having fun telling husbands would must be done. Nice, that was great. I did not see that coming.
COMPAGNO: What is wrong with you today? I felt so strongly about things —
GUTFELD: If men can help in the kitchen, will their wives stop all their complaining? True, a lot of women wish their spouse would help more around the house. A viral TikTok video, an app that destroys more brain cells than lead paint, a marriage therapist shared the most common complaints women have about their husbands other than them not being as handsome as me. According to her, wives complained about husbands you wait to be told what needs to be done. She also breaks down the difference between active responsibility.
You know, when a husband looks around the house for things to do; and passive responsibility when a guy is available to help it waits for someone to tell them what needs to be done. So, once again, it’s up to men to figure out what they did wrong before they did anything wrong. Now, that never happens around my house. My wife deals with our gardener, Manuel, herself. From what my neighbor is telling me, he’s there every day while I’m at the office. Talk about a work ethic. He’ll even water the plants in our bedroom, which has to explain all the grass stains on our sheets.
COMPAGNO: Oh, God.
GUTFELD: All right. Let’s get through this quickly. OK, because we don’t have time, Emily.
COMPAGNO: This is just missing the one crucial component which is telepathy, which all men need.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true. That’s true. I knew you’re going to say that. T.W.?
SHANNON: You know, the number of men who are continuing to be these perpetual children until eternity, it drives me nuts. Be a man. Stop expecting that you’re going to marry your mother. You didn’t. You married a woman. Being a man and you married a woman, act like it and grow up.
GUTFELD: There you go. Kat?
COMPAGNO: Yes, to that.
GUTFELD: Kat, do you do any chores?
TIMPF: I do my chores sometimes. And so, I don’t think I’m as bad as all these husbands because sometimes, because I do sometimes do the chores without being asked. But maybe I am because after I do that, I always expect to be praised for it.
GUTFELD: There you go. You know Tyrus, they also suggest you should talk more about your feelings to.
GUTFELD: I don’t know.
TYRUS: That means we’d have to get a word in. OK, first of all — yes, first of all, the reason why men wait is because they’re too busy dealing with a million commands at once. If you move the book? Oh, don’t move that book, I needed it there. So, you have to wait. By the time — it’s been going on for so long that eventually, they get home they just do this. I’m going to wait to move because everything I do is wrong.
TYRUS: So, yes, they didn’t marry their mothers, but they did marry a mother.
GUTFELD: And on that note, we’ve saved the best for last, but first stand- up comedian, Jimmy Failla.
GUTFELD: Welcome back. So, we’ve been in our beautiful new studio for two weeks now, we’ve been dying to try some new segments now that we have the space for it. So, we thought how about a live Civil War re-enactment? But they got lost on the way here. So, how about some stand-up comedy instead? Please welcome the first person to perform here in our new digs, comedian, Jimmy Failla.
JIMMY FAILLA, COMEDIAN: You guys, oh you guys. Hey, girl. Hey, girl. Nice to be back in New York. I was working in Pennsylvania last weekend. Pennsylvania is a boring state man. Oh my gosh. I actually saw a deer run up to a hunter, like shoot me (BLEEP) right here, I can’t take this. You know, you’re driving through Pennsylvania and you see those dead deer on the side of the highway. Those aren’t accidents. Those are suicides, people. Every one of those deer has a little note on to the body. Like, I’m bored, you know.
But New York is great. They’re like, yes, that’s the greatest energy in the world. You wonder why it’s because everybody here is on the verge of snapping at any minute. Oh, it’s so competitive, it makes you nut. You ever drive here? It’s the only city in the world where you signal after you’ve already made it into the next lane. Anywhere else in the world, you want to go left you put on your blinker like, hey, I’m going left; but if you do that here they block you.
So, instead, you have to go left then you put on your blinker like ha-ha, (BLEEP) you, I made it. Nuts! The country is a mess, man, I’m married 16 years this summer it’s a milestone and it’s screwing up our lives like the supply chain is screwing up our lives. My wife, for Mother’s Day, she wanted one of those like digital assistants that answers all your questions like an Amazon Alexa, but the supply chain so screwed up they sent one of these knockoffs that doesn’t take questions called a Kamala.
Oh, it’s terrible, man. The GPS doesn’t know how to get to the southern border. It’s a whole mess. My friends stick up for her because New York they’re all liberal. They’re like, don’t make fun of Kamala, she’s not that dumb. You know, Kamala is so dumb, she studied for a COVID test. Like stop it. But 16 years, man, and it’s really awkward for my wife and I because we keep running into my high school girlfriend at the grocery store. But it’s going to change. She’s going to graduate in a couple of weeks. And you guys, I’m Jimmy Failla. Thank you for this, Greg. Have a great night, you guys.
GUTFELD: Don’t go away. We’ll be right back.
GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Jimmy Failla, Emily Compagno, T.W. Shannon, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld.
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