This is a rush transcript from “The Five,” April 30, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
KATIE PAVLICH, FOX NEWS HOST: Hello, everyone. I’m Katie Pavlich along with Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, Greg Gutfeld, and Tucker Carlson. It’s five o’clock in New York City. And this is The Five.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CRAIG MELVIN, ANCHOR, NBC NEWS: Are we no longer are going to see the President of the United States outside with a mask on?
JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Sure. Sure. I mean, but what I’m going to do though, because the likelihood of my being able to be outside and people not come up to me is not very — very high. So, it’s looks like, you and I took our masks off when I come in. Because look at the distance we are.
But if we were in fact sitting there talking to one another close, I’d have my mask on and I might ask you to have mask even though we’ve both been vaccinated. And so, it’s a small precaution to take that has a profound impact. It’s a patriotic responsibility for God’s sake.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PAVLICH: Well, apparently, it’s our patriotic duty to ignore the science. A fully vaccinated president explaining why he’ll still be wearing a face mask outdoors and indoors out of precaution of course, which once again completely undercuts guidance from his own CDC and likely fuels more vaccine hesitancy among Americans.
And get this. Even an op-ed in the liberal Washington Post thinks that the mostly empty chamber during Biden’s first address to Congress set the wrong message about the power of vaccines. And then there was this bizarre 30 seconds. Biden going into a panic after losing his mask.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BIDEN: Looking for my mask. I can’t find my mask. I’m looking for my mask. I’m in trouble.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PAVLICH: All right. Tucker, where do we start? Do we start with the president basically saying if you don’t continue to wear a mask regardless of your situation, you’re a traitor or with them frantically trying to find the mask outdoors? Jill going through the binder, Biden going through everything on the lectern. I mean, come on.
TUCKER CARLSON, FOX NEWS HOST: It’s also delusional and sad to watch. I mean, the fact that he said it’s your, quote, “patriotic duty.” There’s one reason to wear a surgical mask. And that’s a medical necessity. And when it’s not a medical necessity you don’t wear it. It’s not normal to wear it and not good for you to wear a mask because you can’t breathe unobstructed.
The truth is if you’ve been vaccinated or more to the point if you’ve been naturally infected with COVID and millions of Americans have, and your antibodies levels remain high, it’s very easy to check this with a spike protein test which is almost 100 percent accurate, then you don’t need to wear a mask. You do not need to socially distance. You don’t need to take any precautions because as with any other virus, you’re immune to it.
That’s the whole point.
And I would just — it tells you something — there’s something very sinister going on here. I say this with someone who has had a million vaccines given to my children. I remain very pro vaccine. Greatest advance science has given us.
But there’s something really weird going on that they’re never mentioning the fact that the people that have been naturally affected — infected with COVID and recovered have better immunity than those that who have been vaccinated. But they are wholly focused on the vaccination.
What is this? You can’t — last thing I’ll say. When Biden looks across at the NBC reporter and says, you know, if we weren’t, you know, socially distanced even though we’ve both been vaccinated, we would have to wear mask. Well, why? What’s the answer to that question?
CARLSON: What’s the answer to any of these questions? Nobody asks. It tells you people go along with lunacy. That’s the scariest part of all. The whole country is nodding that’s right. No one is standing up to ask the obvious question when you do, they call you dangerous. It’s really scary.
PAVLICH: You know, Jesse, it is very odd contrast when you have people who are masked but who are also have been vaccinated and then ignoring all the guidance from the CDC that the rest of Americans are being told by the same officials to listen to.
JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS HOST: I think it’s now superstition with the president. And let me explain why. The virus was the best thing that ever happened to Joe Biden. I didn’t say that. His adviser Anita Dunn said that.
Because it swept him into office, and it allowed him not to campaign and claim he was doing it because he was being safe.
So, the mask represents and symbolizes his life-long fulfillment of his dream to be the President of the United States. And almost thinking if you remove the mask, he’s scared that he’ll be removed from the White House.
So, the mask now represents like a scared token to Joe Biden. And I am familiar with it. You know, I had a kid in high school we played football with wouldn’t wash the under shirt under his pads. We won the championship the last year. And for the whole next season he wouldn’t wash it. Guy stunk. We thought he was crazy, but we let him do it because he was superstitious.
And there’s a little of that and there’s also a little kind of religious connotation going on with Joe Biden. A certain dogmatic aspect to it. You know, people do the — kiss the crucifix they go outside. He feels like if he doesn’t have the mask he is going to be struck down.
I don’t know. Could be an emotional comfort mask to him. I have 9-year-old daughters. They have their little bunnies. They go to sleep with their bunnies. If they can’t find their bunnies, they go into a little panic.
And when I saw Joe at the podium where is my mask, where is my mask, it reminded me of my 9-year-old daughter. That’s not the way an adult reacts to missing a mask. That’s not a rationale response. And you know, maybe Dr.
Jill Biden can sit him down and talk about those issues.
But I was troubled with the way he kind of merged patriotism to mask wearing after you’ve been vaccinated.
WATTERS: The only people that wear masks in this country like that, antifa, thieves and the Klan. And they do that to disguise their identities. I don’t think we should be associating mask wearing with patriotism at all.
PAVLICH: Well, now, you are allowed to wear a mask in a bank which you were never allowed to do before. But Juan, Joe Biden ran on this idea that they were going to be the administration of science and now they’re openly ignoring the very science from their own CDC that they say everyone should be following.
JUAN WILLIAMS, FOX NEWS HOST: I don’t think so. Look, I’ll tell you what.
On this mask thing, Katie, I think Donald Trump might still be president if he had put on a mask a year ago. But he downplayed the impact of the virus and part of that was refusing to wear a mask saying he didn’t think it look presidential or masculine or something.
PAVLICH: When Fauci said that he shouldn’t wear one?
WILLIAMS: But mask-wearing Joe Biden — mask-wearing Joe Biden has — I checked before we came on, has a 64 percent approval rating for his handling of the virus and that includes a third of Republicans in this country. Wearing the mask, it means to me, is it encourages people to be cautious.
Because today, today you have the TSA issuing guidelines that say you still have to wear a mask on public transportation or airplanes. You have new restrictions on travel from India where bodies are piling up. So, it seems to me that wearing mask just encourages us all as Americans and again a patriotic gesture to look out for each other. We are winning this war against this virus, but the fight isn’t finished. And let’s not stumble at the finish line.
PAVLICH: So, Greg, I think I have some good news or maybe bad news.
Yesterday I said that the state of the union looked very weak because it was so empty. And we could have projected strength and just looked really pathetic with people ignoring the science on this. And today the Washington Post agrees with me. That it looks very weak.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes. You know what else was weak? Was that stupid CBS poll that Juan brought up yesterday. What was it, it’s completely discredited? That they were actually polling all Democrats, i.e., speech watchers. So, I think we need to run all of Juan’s polls through like an accuracy meter before we do it on The Five. Because that was nuts.
Anyway, the reason why Joe panicked when he lost his mask, is because when he does lose his mask, he realizes he’s actually AOC. So that’s the real problem. I want him to keep wearing the mask because it keeps him from sniffing people’s hair. But I will agree with you —
PAVLICH: It’s true.
GUTFELD: There is a thing — and I’ve said this before. When you decide to go maskless and somehow, you’re less of an American, this is again the pattern that you see among Democrats, where they don’t criticize individuals, right? They always have to nail large groups. It’s a dog whistle about a certain segment of society, these, you know, rubes and red necks, you know, the Republicans you won’t get vaccines. They’re the extreme right. White supremacists.
It’s all part of the same thing. So that’s what he’s saying. We listen to Joe Biden, you get the picture that he’s — he believes that there’s a large portion of America who are just like these idiots, right? That’s what it is. And he’s using the mask as a way of — as a cajole against the people that, you know, just want to be free.
Give me liberty or wear a mask. It’s going to be the new, I guess the new slogan for today. By the way, Joe should speak to his constituents and say, you know what? You can — you should — you don’t have to wear a mask outdoors unless you’re robbing or looting in a peaceful demonstration. Then that would be truly patriotic. If you torch a pawnshop, please wear a mask.
There you go.
PAVLICH: Yes. There you go. All right. Coming up, Rudy Giuliani speaking out on the FBI raid at his apartment.
CARLSON: So, the FBI showed up the other morning at Rudy Giuliani’s house.
They came in with the warrant and took his electronic devices. He is the third attorney that served former President Trump to get that treatment.
Interesting. We talked to the former New York City mayor about it at some length last night.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
RUDY GIULIANI, FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP’S LAWYER: There was a big bang, bang on the door. And outside were seven – seven FBI agents. I said don’t you want these? And they said what are they? I said those are Hunter Biden’s hard drives. And they said no, no, no. I said are you sure you don’t want them? I mean, the warrant required them to take it. And they said no, no, no justification for that warrant. It is an illegal, unconstitutional warrant.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
CARLSON: So, Giuliani said he had no idea the raid was coming. One group who did know it was coming was the Lincoln Project. The Democratic party campaign group, the guys you covered up for child molestation you may remember them. They got an early notice from the Justice Department. They were kind of in on it. The President of the United States was asked. And he said he had no idea the raid was coming.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MELVIN: Were you aware of the that raid?
BIDEN: I give you my word, I was not. I made a pledge I would not interfere in any way, order or try to stop any investigation the Justice Department in a way. I learned about that last night when the rest of the world learned about it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
CARLSON: So, Juan, the basis of our justice system of justice itself is the equal application of it. Laws apply to everyone equally. The warrant said the FBI showed up at Giuliani’s door because he had violated FARA. He’d been lobbying for people in Ukraine without registering as a foreign lobbyist.
What’s so interesting to me is we know for a fact it’s not speculation that the president’s son lobbied for Ukraine and did not register. He was paid an awful lot of money to lobby his dad. Again, that’s not up for debate. We know that. He’s admitted it. How is this not unequal application of the law?
WILLIAMS: Well, I think he was working for Ukrainian company, Tucker. I don’t think he was lobbying. So, I mean that’s your take on it. But I don’t think that’s the government’s take. I mean, I think it’s important in this segment that we, you know, clear all of the smoke out of the room here.
Because it seems to me that Rudy Giuliani appears to be in very serious trouble. All of this talk about, the prosecution is being unfair or it’s not equal application of the law. It’s a lot of smoke screen. And you know, it’s the play of court of public sympathy. But this is not going to be on cable TV. He is going to be in a court of law it looks like, it looks like they’re going to bring an indictment against this man.
And I just worry for him in that sense. Because you know, when you think about it, we had reports out today in the Washington Post and from NBC saying that the Trump FBI warned Giuliani in 2019 that he was being used by, well, I guess Russian, you know, agents to spread dirt about Joe Biden.
And they told him this was a danger to him. But he continued.
And then he continued what you just described. He continued to lobby the Trump White House to get rid of Marie Yovanovitch, I don’t know if I’m saying that quite right, but she was the U.S. ambassador to the Ukraine without registering as a lobbyist. And that’s what he’s — that’s what the warrant was for.
CARLSON: Now I can’t — I’m not on the show much so I’m not sure of the rules. So rather — I’m going to ask your follow up to the great Katie Pavlich. So, Katie, Juan just said and you’re hearing other people say this, that the difference is that Hunter Biden wasn’t lobbying for anyone in Ukraine.
Then what was he doing if he wasn’t lobbying? If he was lobbying his father specifically then the vice president? Was he applying his deep knowledge of, I don’t know, Eastern European energy business practices? Why would they have hired Hunter Biden in Ukraine except to lobby? Sincere question.
PAVLICH: That’s precisely why Hunter Biden was hired by a foreign oil and gas company while his father was the vice president in charge of the Ukraine profile. I mean, that’s the entire point. It’s influence peddling.
It’s buying someone off literally to gain influence inside the United States government as, you know, his father is the vice president.
And when it comes to equal application of the law and this idea that these agents apparently according to Rudy Giuliani didn’t want Hunter Biden’s hard drives, there’s evidence of crime on those hard drives that we have seen. I mean, whether it’s lying on the background check form, applying for a firearm, whether it’s doing drugs at a number of other things that are on that laptop that we can’t even really show on TV because it’s so atrocious and lots of illegal things happening there.
And so yes, the number one reason why he was hired was of course to lobby on behalf of Ukraine to influence policy because of who he was connected to and he even said during the interview that the reason he got hired is because his last name was Biden. And that’s why he was hired.
CARLSON: It’s amazing. Because there’s hundreds of countries in the world, but both guys worked with Ukraine. So, Jesse Watters, this is the, by our count the third, at least the third attorney who worked personally for Donald Trump who had communication with Trump, grabbed by the Justice Department. Are you sensing a theme here?
WATTERS: I don’t think Trump is ever going to be able to hire another attorney. That’s a death wish. But to Juan’s point, Juan, he did lobby his dad. We saw the e-mails. He set up meetings with Burisma officials. That’s already on the record. So that’s case closed.
When I saw this raid, I thought to myself, this is just payback for Rudy blowing up the president son’s scandal. And then they are going to go in there and they are going to seize his electronics and they are going to have a road map to see how the scandal happened and then they can mop it up.
There’s no way Hunter is ever going to get charged with anything by Biden’s Department of Justice. And everybody knows that now. And everybody also knows for a FARA violation you don’t kick down doors and seize people’s computers. You do that for drug traffickers or flight risks. You don’t do that for a FARA violation —
WATTERS: — which is basically you let maybe your license get expired or your registration on your car elapses. If anything, you might have to pay a small fine. But Mueller he’s been using this against the Trump people to sink his teeth in and then he lays perjury traps.
And this is what Joe and Obama did to everybody. Remember? They targeted the tea party. They took out Petraeus and Chris Christie with fake scandals because they were going to run for president and then they sent undercover agents into the Trump campaign and wiretapped them with doctored warrants.
And Biden himself cooked up the Flynn sting. And you’re not seeing the pattern here? I mean, come on. These guys are brutal. These guys are rough.
CARLSON: So, Greg, do you think the next time the FBI raids your apartment they’ll tip off the Lincoln Project before they do?
GUTFELD: I don’t know. That is a good question. I will say this. Joe Biden says he was not aware of the Giuliani apartment search. I would probably say that’s probably true because he probably also wasn’t aware of the dates and where he was and what happened to his pants.
And I do not blame the FBI for not wanting to touch Hunter’s hardware for obvious reasons. They didn’t want to catch anything. These aren’t just computer viruses —
GUTFELD: — all over that keyboard. But to the bigger point, we have to remind people who Rudy is and was. I mean, this is a guy who saved the greatest city that once was the greatest city of all time. He perhaps might be the greatest mayor, I think, in history. There’s a lot of people you see on TV now, a bunch of liberals that are trashing him who wouldn’t probably be here in New York if it wasn’t for the fact that New York was made safe and made to be the number one tourist attraction in the world.
I know this has nothing to do with whatever happened in that apartment but we’re living in a fun house mirror of America when a guy did so much for this country is being ransacked and meanwhile, Hunter Biden is going to Tulane to teach undergrads how to buy crack on a street corner.
CARLSON: Nicely put.
CARLSON: Just ahead, an awful story that apparently involves human smuggling in Texas. Ninety people found packed inside a single home.
WILLIAMS: Welcome back. President Biden now claiming he’s gotten control of the border crisis but he is also blasting the previous administration for the conditions that lead to the surge of migrants.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MELVIN: Mr. President, 170,000 people, migrants, apprehended at the border, it’s a 20-year record. There are 22,000 unaccompanied children in our country right now. That’s a record. That sounds to most folks like a crisis.
BIDEN: Well look, it’s way down now. We’ve now gotten control. For example, we have — they didn’t plan for, which comes every year, this flow, whether it’s 22,000 or 10,000, they didn’t have the beds that were available. They didn’t plan for the overflow.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: The president’s comments come as we learn of a sickening story of possible human smuggling. Police now investigating a case in Houston, Texas where more than 90 people were discovered packed inside a home. The assistant police chief giving us more details.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DARYN EDWARDS, ASSISTANT POLICE CHIEF, HOUSTON POLICE DEPARTMENT: Our tech cooperation team SWAT go in and execute the search warrant. Ad when they got inside the house, they realized that this is actually going to turn into a smuggling, a human smuggling investigation.
We realized that there were over 90 people inside. There are concerns that there may be some positive COVID cases inside the house.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: Katie, you know, this is just so upsetting. But human smuggling in Houston as tragic as it might be it’s nothing new. I think I saw today 2019, in Texas, more than 1,000 people freed from human smugglers. I’m wondering is it possible that immigration reform might lessen the pressure that people would want to even put themselves, their children in the hands of smugglers?
PAVLICH: No, actually. Any kind of amnesty or, you know, quote, “immigration reform’ at this point would only actually continue this massive flow of people into the country because they haven’t stopped the flow. And so, if you’re giving incentives to come to the country and rewarding people for breaking the law and coming here illegally without a mechanism to stop them at the border from coming or to turn them away or to tell them not to come at all in the first place, then you’re only creating another crisis in the future.
We’ve been hearing about the DREAMers for decades now, really a decade.
We’ve heard about DACA recipients for years on end. Well, right now, the Biden administration is creating a whole new generation of “DACA recipients” of DREAMers while they refuse to stop the flow of people from coming into the country.
So, they’re creating a crisis down the road. And Democrats have already said they’re not interested in any kind of border security. And today, the Pentagon said they’re not going to continue building any part of the border wall and they’re taking back the funding that they got for that while pieces of wall that have already been paid for by the taxpayer are sitting in lots and rotting. So, they have no — that wouldn’t help, and I don’t think this administration has any intention of doing anything to stop the flow into the country.
WILLIAMS: So, Jesse, the President, of course, be in his speech to the Congress this week asked Congress to act. He said, specifically, let’s — you know, something we can agree on is the DREAMers. Do you think Congress can do anything more than just take selfies at the border?
WATTERS: No, because Joe Biden doesn’t want to solve the crisis. He’s doing what his donors want. And his donors want open borders because they benefit from the cheap labor, and the cheap labor crushes their competition, which is small business.
And I’ll explain how, Juan. Say you’re remodeling your bathroom. And you can hire an American company, mom-and-pop contractor have been here for generations. They pay insurance, they have their licenses, and they pay their workers a fair wage, and they pay taxes. They’ll give you a quote for about 10 grand. Or maybe word of mouth, you hear about an illegal immigrant. He has no insurance, no licenses, but he’s got a team of really hard-working guys from Central America, and they don’t pay any taxes. And he’ll probably give you a quote five grand cash.
Now, what are you going to do? You’re going to pay the guy five grand cash.
They’ll do the same exact job. They’ll take the money, they won’t pay any taxes, and they’ll wire probably 75 percent of it back home to their families in Guatemala. What does that do to the American workers, Juan? It depresses wages, it takes away their jobs, and it sends money overseas, and we get less tax receipts that we can spend on Americans. How does that help the American worker? It doesn’t.
WILLIAMS: I agree with you. I mean, I think that’s a reason for reform. But anyway, Jess — I mean, Greg —
WATTERS: Oh, you agree. You agree. I’m glad you agree, Juan, because we should shut the border down, so we don’t have —
WILLIAMS: I agree. I think that’s an impetus for immigration reform to get more immigrants into the tax system. But anyway, Greg, today the President was heckled in Atlanta by people who are calling for an end ICE and end to detention of immigrants. It seems like he’s getting pressure from all sides.
GUTFELD: I think I can use the New Democrats slogan. It’s nothing new.
That’s the new thing. You look at — you look at illegal immigration, hey, it’s nothing new. Hey, look, there’s a house with 90 people trapped inside in 2000 square feet, what New York City people call spacious. But hey, that’s nothing new. Hey, there’s a spike in crime. Nothing new.
If you aren’t going to get mad about the forced labor, the abuse of children, the trafficking, how about this? Take a page out of Biden’s book.
It’s the lack of masks and the lack of social distancing in that house of
90 people that you should be truly outraged about. It’s un-American.
WILLIAMS: Tucker, one last question for you. Are you — are you — how do you think — what do you think about Biden saying, hey, you know what the shelf was bare when I got here, not enough staff, not enough people. What do you say to that?
CARLSON: I mean, look, this if you’re looking for an attack on our democracy, this is it. They don’t care about the conditions of the people at the border, the children in cages. They don’t care about human trafficking. Most immigration at this point is human trafficking. I mean, that’s what it is.
They only care about stalking the electorate. By the way, immigration reform, the Reagan amnesty of 86 led to — a Republican amnesty, led to a massive flood of illegal immigration. So, that’s what they want. They want to change who votes so they win. They’re diluting the votes of Americans of all backgrounds, and that is an attack on democracy, period. This is it.
We’re watching it.
WILLIAMS: All right. “THE FASTEST,” it’s up next for you on THE FIVE.
WATTERS: Welcome back, everybody. Time for “THE FASTEST.” First up, it turns out a little gossip now and then, not that bad. A new study finds hearsay can actually be a good thing for people to spread, as it serves to create social connections and enables learning about the world indirectly through other people’s experiences.
I agree, Greg, Dana, and I were gossiping about you last night and we really bonded socially.
GUTFELD: And I know what you guys are talking about. You know, it’s true, though, before the show, I was in the bathroom. You wouldn’t believe what Kilmeade was doing in there, but I’ll tell you later. The reason — there’s history. There’s history behind gossip.
Gossip was what really ugly people in the village had to do to justify their existence or else they would be thrown in a well. So, it’s like they go — like, the ugly person of the village always had all the secret knowledge. They were often considered a crone or a witch, use that boils.
That’s what gossip came from. It was the currency before we had actual currency.
Anyway, what Kilmeade was doing was disgusting.
WATTERS: He really needs to just knock that off. Tucker, I just want to — you should just probably tell everybody you’re welcome for providing all the content for America to gossip about because boy, are they talking about you?
CARLSON: Luckily, I’m very cut off from that. I’m just amazed that gossip was the Bitcoin of its time. I literally had no idea.
GUTFELD: It’s true.
CARLSON: Obviously, gossip brings people together, sex gossip most of all, but you can’t do it while wearing a mask. I’m serious. You know, the mask cuts people off from each other. If I can’t see someone’s face, I’m not going to give them the goods, period.
GUTFELD: Right. It’s true.
WATTERS: Juan, what about you? Are you talking a lot of trash behind my back? Do I need to know about this?
WILLIAMS: Not my nature. But I will say this, Jesse. I think a lot of people miss being in the office for gossip’s sake. But typically, you know, it’s like what you guys are saying. If it’s gossip about somebody else, people get a kick out of it. But if it’s gossip about them, then they get upset. So, you know, there’s two — there’s two sides to that blade.
WATTERS: Yes. Katie, only half of what you’ve heard about me is true.
GUTFELD: Which half?
PAVLICH: I’m on a panel today with four men and I think all of you like gossip more than I do as the woman on the panel today. I also think this study was written by a gossiper you know. That’s what it sounds like to me.
WATTERS: Well, that was very — that was very gender stereotyping of you to assume that it’s very feminine to gossip and I take umbrage with that, Katie.
PAVLICH: Well —
WATTERS: “FAN MAIL FRIDAY” is up next.
GUTFELD: Yes, it’s “FAN MAIL FRIDAY.” We’re answering your questions. The first one, kind of a deep one. Would you rather have a pause, a rewind, nor forward button on your life? Tucker, you’re the philosopher here. Which one would you want?
CARLSON: It’s situational. You know, I was at the dentist this week.
Obviously, fast forward. I was thinking about high school the other day, pause. But most the time pause. I mean, that’s kind of what — that’s why no one can think clearly.
CARLSON: It’s because no one gets a respite from the electronic noise and you kind of can’t get perspective on yourself. So, silence, pause. That’s good.
GUTFELD: Yes. Plus, when you pause, you can go through people’s belongings.
Juan — what, I don’t know. You know, you freeze people and then you can go through their wallets or purses. That’s the way I looked at it. Juan, how about you, pause, rewind, or forward?
GUTFELD: Gosh, you know, I guess it depends on the moment. But you know, don’t they say philosophically you want to be in the moment, Greg. You want to like really be where you are and appreciate it for the moment. So, I think the technology just doesn’t apply to somebody human. I mean, it’s really like — that’s not realistic even if you fast forward. It’s like a sci-fi movie where everything just goes crazy.
GUTFELD: Well, I’m good. I’m asking Jesse because he is not human. Barely human, I would say. I would like — I could see you wanting a rewind button for everything that you’ve done, the horrible things you’ve done.
WATTERS: You’d be right. I would rewind and start freshman year in college because —
GUTFELD: And then erase.
WATTERS: Boy, do we have an erase button?
WATTERS: Clear history. I would go to college and clear history and start all over again.
GUTFELD: I am with you. Katie, I’m sure you’ve done nothing to be ashamed of, so you probably would like a pause.
PAVLICH: Never ever. Pause is good. I like to pause, take a second, enjoy.
But also if you — if you rewind, do you have to do everything the same way or do you get to start over?
GUTFELD: That’s an interesting question in a parallel universe.
PAVLICH: It doesn’t say — it doesn’t say rewind and erase.
GUTFELD: I would — I definitely would rewind and make some different decisions here and there. We won’t get into that here though, will we?
Facebook question. This is a fun one. Have you ever met a celebrity — and you can’t say me, you guys, OK. Have you ever met a celebrity and we’re completely starstruck? Katie, I’m going to you first. I bet it was a country music star.
PAVLICH: It was. It was Reba McIntyre.
GUTFELD: There you go.
PAVLICH: She’s my favorite. Good job.
GUTFELD: See, I knew that. I could see that coming. Juan, again, you don’t say me. What celebrity did you meet and you were completely starstruck?
WILLIAMS: Well, I didn’t quite meet him. He was across the room. It was Michael Jordan, the basketball star. And I really wanted to meet him, but I was so starstruck I’m not going to make a fool of myself and, you know, crashed through the other people to get to him, but I really was. That’s — I really did want to meet him.
GUTFELD: Jesse, you can’t use the one that you used before about the basketball player who refused an autograph.
WATTERS: That’s what I was going to tell, Alonzo Mourning.
WATTERS: Center for the Miami Heat. I saw him at the Four Seasons at the bar. I worked up the courage to go up to him to ask for a picture, and he told me to get lost.
WATTERS: It’s like — and I was pretty famous at the time, so it was even more devastating.
GUTFELD: You know, it’s probably because he knew who you were. He was like, that’s your fame.
WATTERS: Yes, maybe.
GUTFELD: He goes, that’s the guy. Tucker, you’re like you’re already super famous. So, do you even get fazed by other famous people?
CARLSON: I don’t have any sense of that. I’m just — I’m caught up in how poignant that Alonzo Mourning story was. No, I haven’t met very many famous people I admired. But every time I do, I’d select them. Don’t meet your heroes.
GUTFELD: That — never meet your heroes. Although I did meet one hero celebrity and it lived up to its expectations, and that person was Sean Hannity.
PAVLICH: Oh, nice.
GUTFELD: “ONE MORE THING” is up next.
PAVLICH: It’s time now for “ONE MORE THING.” Tucker, you get to go first.
CARLSON: The most frustrating thing about this moment from our perspective is there’s not enough time to cover the stories in depth that deserves to be covered. And one of them that really strikes home as the destruction of the natural environment, not the climate but the actual land, the trees, the water, the air.
And so, we just made a documentary Tucker Carlson Originals on this on Fox Nation. Here’s a clip from it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CARLSON: Environmentalism used to be about saving the environment, nature, the land. We need more trees in this country, not fewer.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This CMP court order is going to cross something like
180 small streams, wetlands, and other areas where the brook trout thrived.
It’s a bit of a problem because they’ve been extirpated almost everywhere else. What are they worth? What is a wild brook trout worth to a recreational guide in western Maine? It’s priceless.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
CARLSON: So, in the name of green energy, they’re clear-cutting part of the biggest standing forest, the Maine North Woods, east of the Mississippi. It’s an atrocity. Nobody is talking about it. You can see more on Fox Nation.
PAVLICH: It looks really interesting and an important topic. Thank you, Tucker, for that. All right, Jesse.
WATTERS: Speaking of atrocities, I wrote a book. And the country is coming to grips with that fact. You know, moms are going crazy. Moms love me.
Grandmas really love me. So, Mother’s Day is around the corner. So, what you can do, you got to get How I Saved the World by Jesse Watters for your mom.
You go to… get a little certificate. You give it to her on Mother’s Day, and it’ll arrive at her doorstep on July 6th when the book comes out. It’s what moms want. Everybody knows it.
Speaking of what people want, “WATTERS’ WORLD” 8:00 p.m. Eastern Saturday night. We’ll have Governor DeSantis, Chris Christie, and Ted Cruz, just a bunch of guys gossiping about stuff. You know, that’s what we do, Katie.
WATTERS: And we’re also going to have a “WATTERS’ WORLD” investigation into the cults of the drug cartels. We’re talking human sacrifice, beheading, some crazy stuff. So, you know, just your light Saturday evening television.
PAVLICH: OK, looking forward to it. Greg?
GUTFELD: Interesting, very interesting. Who came up with the title of your book, Jesse?
WATTERS: My wife.
GUTFELD: It was a good title, very good title. Anyway —
WATTERS: Always listen to your wife.
GUTFELD: That is true. Let’s do this. Greg’s cockatoo’s news. We don’t do a lot of cockatoo news here, but when we do, we’re damn serious about it. No one’s going to beat us on the cockatoo’s scoop. This is Australia. I believe it’s a country. Hundreds of cockatoos have filled the skies of an Australian town in scenes reminiscent of the Hitchcock classic The Birds.
Remember that movie? What a film. I love that lady. What’s her name?
Anyway, this species of cockatoo is identified as a corella. They’re pretty destructive behavior that you’re seeing. So, their arrival isn’t exactly great news. Then, we found out later, they were so excited about the GUTFELD! on tonight at 11:00 p.m. because I will have Brian Kilmeade on and he’s going to tell us what went on in the bathroom. Ari Fleischer and also Kennedy is in because he’s in — she’s in for Kat who is getting married tomorrow. So, there you go. So, congratulations to Kat Timpf.
WATTERS: Congratulations, Kat.
GUTFELD: There you go.
PAVLICH: So, Greg, can you go cockatoo hunting with your shotgun? That was a lot of birds.
GUTFELD: Yes, you don’t really have to aim. You just point it up in the air. I like that.
PAVLICH: It was so loud too.
GUTFELD: Yes, very loud.
WATTERS: That was Kilmeade doing in the bathroom.
WILLIAMS: OK. I want to — I want to do a shout out today to my good friend Shannon Bream and her new book Women of the Bible Speak. It’s number one nonfiction debut book of 2021. And it’s even number one on the New York Times bestseller list for three weeks in a row. So, congratulations to Shannon.
Women of the Bible examines timeless stories of women — you know, women in the Bible — women of religious faith. And it says it speaks to women today to the readers about what it means to be a contemporary woman of faith.
So, as Jesse was saying, with Mother’s Day just around the corner, it’s a great gift for the woman in your life. You can purchase Shannon’s book at your local bookstore.
WATTERS: Well, not as great of a gift as How I Saved the World.
WILLIAMS: Well, I wasn’t — you know, no need to — no need to compare, Jesse.
PAVLICH: Jesse, once you’re — Jesse, you want to know when your calendar is coming out?
CARLSON: How nice of you — how nice of you to do that for Shannon Bream.
Good for you, Juan.
GUTFELD: Number one.
PAVLICH: Yes, that was really nice. OK, it’s my turn to go. Back in 2019, a Navy veteran Tommy Zurhellen walked 2860 miles across America alone to raise awareness on veterans’ struggles like suicide and homelessness in our country. He wrote a book about that called the Low Road: Walking The Walk for Veterans.
And all of the proceeds for this book will go to helping veterans in need through the Vet Zero Project at Hudson River Housing. And you can get yours now. An amazing mission, an amazing story. 2000-plus miles is a long way to walk alone and it’s all for a good cause. So, good for him.
Thanks, everybody. That’s it for us. See you next week. Up next, “SPECIAL REPORT.”
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